On a beautiful Tuesday evening, filled with excitement and competitive spirit, a group of over 60 vibrant individuals gathered at Virginia Highlands Park to indulge in their passion for softball. However, their evening was disrupted by a middle-aged white woman, who identified herself as an enforcer of bureaucratic rules, ruining their night of fun and exercise.
Around 8 p.m., the woman approached the softball fields at the park and aggressively declared, “These fields closed at 6:30, you shouldn’t even be here.” This unexpected declaration left the players confused and frustrated, as the weather was perfectly sunny and dry, with only a brief rain shower passing through earlier in the evening. Yet, the woman, donning the vintage yellow “official” top of a government employee with a smidge of power, continued to insist on the closure of the fields due to weather conditions.
Despite multiple players questioning the logic behind her decision, the bureaucratic enforcer remained adamant, claiming that it was “not her call” and that she was simply following orders from her superiors. This robotic response caused one Daily Caller player to comment on her lack of rationality, stating, “It’s like she’s an automaton, incapable of applying reason and operating outside the bounds of a government edict.”
As tensions rose, the situation escalated when Dylan Housman, captain of the Daily Caller team, pointed out that they had a permit to use the field and had not been notified of any closure. In response, the woman threatened to prevent the team from obtaining future permits if they did not comply with her orders immediately.
Despite the chaotic situation, the Daily Callers continued to dominate their game against the Roosevelt Institute, with chief nerd Elias Atienza hitting his first career multi-home run game and deputy editor Dylan Housman adding a home run and four RBI’s. The team also showcased their skills on the field, with traveling ad salesman Jake Berube impressing the crowd with a solo double play at shortstop and visiting sporting fellows Manfred Wendt and Will Mitola contributing with strong performances at bat. Even reporting fellow Erin Van Natta made her season debut as a catcher, and chief cartoonist Avery Long reached base and scored a run.
.@DailyCaller just got kicked off the fields at Virginia Highlands Park by the government because of the weather. It was clear skies and a dry field. In the fourth inning, a member of @ArlingtonParks walked on the field and told us we had to leave because the parks were closed.… pic.twitter.com/HXLwcuMSsy
— Reagan Reese (@reaganreese_) July 31, 2024
Their evening will forever be marred by the deranged cat lady who, on orders of government bureaucrats, ruined their evening of fun and sport.